Where I find my motivation.......

I honestly have very little to complain about these days. As mentioned in numerous posts, I have an extremely blessed life. However, like everyone else, I still have those days where I do things that I dont want to do. I have mornings when I dont want to go to work, and nights that I dont want to do anything but spend time with my family--but have so much I need to do instead. I sometimes find that I dread these things way too  much. I am no doubt a creature of habit--anyone who knows me well will tell you that. I like having my own routine right now. For so long, it seemed like everything was all over the place. My schedule (school and work) was NEVER the same before I graduated. It became difficult for even me to keep up with. Living at college, weekends were the only time that I had to see my family and Jordan. By the time Sunday got here, I dreaded going back to Montevallo for what would begin another long week of school, work, school, work, sorority, projects, meetings, school, work, school, work...........etc..... You get the point :) Anyway, at first I loved not knowing what I was going to do until that day, but eventually it was only a matter of time before my OCD came out. It got old...FAST! I think that this lifestyle I had for so long got to me and it is why I find myself dreading things that I shouldnt. I have come to a place within this past (almost) year where I know exactly what my week is going to be like. I am done with my undergrad and I have a steady 40 hour a week job. I wouldnt trade that for anything, because I know that if I want it to be, my day is over at 5 (and sometimes before) and what I do for the rest of the day is completely up to me. Of course I usually opt to spend that time with Jordan if I can. I have prayed for patience and the ability to take things as they come. It's very hard sometimes because I feel like I paid my dues with 4 years worth of hecticness (if that is a word) and for right now---I love our life, and how we spend our time. If I had it my way we would have a lot more of it to spend, which brings me to my point. ...


Those little inconviences that happen throughout my day and week are inevitable.They ARE going to happen, so in the mean time the best thing for me to do is to use my time wisely and find motivation to get through them. I realize how silly this sounds, but this is definately something that I struggle with. This motivation for me comes in the form of many things; seeing my wonderful husband at home, playing with our sweet puppies, or maybe looking forward to having dinner with my girlfriends. All of those things still play a huge roll in what motivates me. But lately, it has become the desire to want to make good use of my time for God and to glorify him in all that I do. I fall short all the time, but it is a far cry from where I was a year ago. I still dont make good decisions all the time, and I still sometimes ignore my conscious--but at least its there and I am listening to it. I find purpose in my activities and consequences in my actions. I have remorse when I do something that I am not proud of, and more importantly when I do something that I am proud of I credit my Lord and Saviour and not myself--at least I am trying to!! That is yet another resolution that I am working towards and seem to have come a long way. I pray in odd places at odd times--most of the time it is in the car that I have the most coversations with God. I usually talk to Him on the way to work every morning, however there are always times that I have this and that going on, or I will hear something interesting on the radio and I dont. I have found that those days that I forget to talk to God in the mornings are never good ones. Before my relationship with Him, I would have considered them normal--but not anymore. Once again, breaking my little routine does not set well with me at all. After I pray in the morning, I feel that I can handle anything that happens during my day. I still get frusterated, bored, mad, etc.......but I can handle it none the less. It is my goal to make Jesus Christ my primary source of motivation. And slowly but surely He is clmbing the charts. I find myself becoming closer and closer to him, but still have so far to go.